Mariam Mokhtar
The famed actress is rumoured to be mulling an election debut and has been gracing functions organised by the Perak MB.
Last month, there was a ripple of excitement when rumours of a new Bond spoof surfaced in Malaysia. According to sina.com, the former Bond girl, Michelle Yeoh wants a starring role in GE-13.Michelle needs no introduction. Her new co-star introduces himself with the quintessential charm of his predecessors, “My name is Bond, Jibby Bond.”
Just like the original Bond movies, Malaysia’s Bond spoof will also be action packed. There will be the thrill of the opposition thwarting the cheating of BN. There will be sabotage and dawn raids of back-door voters replacing legitimate ones.
There will be car chases as election observers follow lorries carrying ballot boxes from rural outposts to the counting stations. And there will be drama when exploding ballot boxes are dumped from helicopters into rivers, as they are flown from the Sarawak longhouses into town.
Extremists will demonstrate to intimidate the peace-loving public and to complete the effect, marauding groups of Rela members will look like private armies on the loose in our towns and cities. Didn’t Prime minister Najib Tun Razak promise “blood, sweat and lives to defend Putrajaya”?
If it is true that Michelle is to participate in GE-13, she need only look as far as Putrajaya for her supporting cast. The whole Cabinet of actors, masquerading as senior politicians, is available. Even Umno diehards realise that politics in Malaysia is a world of make-believe, perhaps a tragicomedy.
BN is short of creative solutions to solve Malaysia’s many woes. It cannot handle issues ranging from the economy to English in schools. It is short of good policies. However, BN excels in mock up trials and sex-videos.
If the Malaysian judiciary thought we will be titillated with semen stained briefs and other sordid details, they are mistaken.
The Cabinet thinks it excels in producing porno movies. What they have produced in the past only induces sleep. Even 15-year-olds can write better scripts and perform better sex-scenes.
Malaysian politics has been reduced to this: “Is it him in the video? No-lah, the belly’s too big. Rubbish, the watch on his wrist proves it’s him.”
Of course, Malaysian politics is not complete without the “virgin” drama queen, Ummi Hafilda. She regularly dishes out defamation suits against people she was once infatuated with. Like a stalker who cannot accept rejection, she has the habit of popping up wherever Anwar is canvassing, to delight the crowds with her “golden showers”.
Which party will she join?
So it begs the question, why is Yeoh making her political debut in this general election? Was she put up to it by her father, the MCA stalwart of Ipoh? He is Yeoh Kian Geik, who is alleged to be a good friend of the Perak Sultan and denies that his daughter harbours political ambitions.
Yeoh senior said, “I don’t think she will. She’s never mentioned it to me. But I will ask her.”
Perhaps introducing Michelle as a political candidate is another “cool” idea which originated from Alistair Campbell, the slippery and much hated publicity man who was once former British premier, Tony Blair’s press secretary. Campbell is alleged to be “sexing-up” and giving Najib and his failing party, a new makeover.
So which party will Michelle join or will she contest as an independent?
Ipohites claim that Michelle is always seen at Menteri besar Zambry Abdul Kadir’s functions but was not spotted at any, which ex-MB Nizar Jamaluddin arranged. Does this expose her loyalties?
If she were to join MCA, will the wags in Ipoh’s coffee shops joke that MCA has both a porn star and a Hollywood superstar? Will this double act increase the number of people voting MCA/BN?
Will Ng Yen Yen, the vice president of MCA sanction the proposal? Perhaps she has.
This way, Michelle will divert attention from Yen Yen’s excessive spending on tourism advertisements, her disastrous Malaysia tourism facebook campaign and her costly travel to promote Malaysia.
Michelle’s career is not reported to be on the decline so why does she have to enter Malaysian politics? Will she be prepared for the back biting, scandalous revelations and airing of dirty linen in public? Even the bitching that must happen on the backlot of the film studios cannot compare with our dirty Malaysian politics.
Jean Todt, Michelle’s husband was Malaysian ambassador of tourism. Many people were angry about this.
It was revealed in parliament that Todt’s ambassadorial fee was RM593,400, the couple enjoyed RM388,000 worth of Malaysian holidays and that their flights alone cost RM360,000. Why choose a foreigner to promote Malaysia?
Why does MCA feel it has to resort to sex and glamour to reach out to the public? The line-up of “hot-chicks” at the recent MCA assembly is reminiscent of a karaoke bar, beer promotion or “naughty-house”.
Will we, in the near future see the ex-Bond girl and Malaysia’s own Jibby Bond 007, clad in tight leather, abseiling into the assembly hall?
Remember the Suu Kyi role
Michelle played Aung Sang Su Kyi the Burmese pro-democracy leader and Nobel Peace prize-winner in the film, “The Lady”. Su Kyi stood for freedom and justice. She rallied her people against the cruel Burmese military junta. Michelle herself was deported last July from Burma.It will be ironic if Michelle were to join BN. The party rules Malaysia with an iron fist and is anything but democratic. It too deports foreigners whom it considers hostile.
Michelle has played many roles including that of an Interpol inspector, a wuxia master and a geisha. Does she believe her latest role will be her best yet or is she aware that it may tarnish her reputation?
In London, speculation over the new Bond film is finally over. The name of the Bond film was confirmed to be “Skyfall”.
But what could the Malaysian Bond-spoof be called? Goldfinger sounds suitable enough for obvious reasons. And so is “Diamonds Are Forever”.
But the following choices are all good: The Spy Who Loved Me. The World Is Not Enough. A View To A Kill. Octopussy. Licence to Kill. Instead of “The Man with the Golden Gun” how about “The Man with the Pink Lips”?
But there is one hitch. Bond is supposed to fight the baddie, not be the baddie.
Mariam Mokhtar is a FMT columnist.
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