Q: Why is Professor Aziz Bari being investigated for lèse majesté for stating the Sultan of Selangor had intervened in an ‘unusual and inconsistent’ manner over the Jais intrusive raid of DUMC, when by humongous contrast, an UMNO person had sneeringly insulted Malaysian royalty contemptuously with the following words:
"How can we continue to uphold rulers who are known to be robbers, adulterers, drunkards and kaki pukul (thugs)?" [...]
"They (the rulers) must be made to realize that they do not own this country. They are not Superman but placed on their thrones by the people. "The real power did not lie with them, but with us - the representatives of the people."
M: I dunno anything about this, I mean the second case! But what I do know is I can charge you for sedition.
Q: Then, if there is no evidence to charge DUMC for allegedly proselytizing Muslims, how can JAIS barging into DUMC’s function be considered as justified?
M: I dunno anything about this! But let me say this again, I know I can charge you for sedition.
Q: Minister, explain the report that 240 foreigners were taken in buses to a resort near Putrajaya and given Malaysian citizenships.
HM (stroking his keris): I dunno anything about this!
Q: OK then, explain how a Bangladesh Prime Minister’s Office unit website has claimed that its citizens working in Malaysia have been asked to vote for the ruling Barisan Nasional government?
HM (about to draw his keris): I dunno anything about this!
Q: Why haven’t legal actions being taken against the 3 MACC officers whom the RCI reported as having driven Teoh Beng Hock to suicide?
M (representing someone): He dunno anything about this! He was in Mecca during the imbroglio.
Q: Minister, explain the huge discrepancy between the price of RM1.7 billion paid by DRB-Hicom for the APC and the RM7.65 biliion paid subsuently by Min Def for the same goods?
DM (from inside a APC): I dunno anything about this! But I want to remind everyone I’m the most patriotic Malaysian.
Q: Why wasn’t action taken against 10 errant contractors, who were awarded contracts by the Defence Ministry worth RM76 million, for their work delays despite being notified by the Auditor-General’s Office, and why were their contracts instead extended for an additional 6 months?
DM (now in another APC): I dunno anything about this! But I wish I’m in my submarine right now.
Q: Minister, are you denying that one of your family has been involved in the contract for the biometric system for voters?
[Grunts … then after long silence as if he was overworking his poor mind for an answer ... to deny ...]: I dunno anything about this!
Q: The World Bank has suspended financing of a RM9 billion Padma bridge in Bangladesh because of corruption in the bidding process; please explain why Malaysia has offered to finance the project?
Ex-M (firming down on his topi): Dei, I dunno anything about this!
Q: What is your opinion on the effect on Form 4 English-medium students when the government abolishes the PPSMI next year.
M (toothpick in mouth after a bah-kut-teh meal, mumbles): I dunno anything about this! But DPM promises there will be a ‘soft landing’.
Q: Why was a trading company paid RM9,805 for Tupperwares worth only RM4,221, and the PM Department accepted the trading company’s claim of that extra RM5,584 as transportation cost? RM5,584 as transportation cost for RM4,221 worth of Tupperware? Were the Tupperwares as big and heavy as Ayah Pin’s kettle?
M (drinking tea from a Noritake Bone China cup): I dunno anything about this!