Valentine Day and the Moral Policing

Beware friends, do not send flowers or chocolate or meet your lovers and rejoice during this Valentine day. Our Moral Police are on a civilization mission in educating our citizens on the do’s and don’ts. Watch out for the moral police on the sprawl. Don’t be spotted on the 14^th of February together with your partners in restaurants, at any of the cozy joints in Jalan Bukit Bintang, mamak eateries and other places which are dark and lonely. They have in their possession intelligence report, of wide occurrence of heat, as with livestock, the profound desire to mate and copulate during this period, among male and female population of ours, widely suspected to be among the age group of 18 to 40, this phenomena will appear again in our region on the 14th of February.
According to the Ministry of Moral Up keeping and Protection of Unapproved Practices, this delirium of libidinous behavior is spread by the decadent west; to morally corrupt  our people and promote their goods like Viagra, red roses, heart shaped chocolates and intoxicating drinks. Their investigation promulgates that this is part of a western religion which is immoral and sinful and has been confirmed by a well-known TV religious motivator.
Their analysis and their latest research has revealed that incest, baby dumping, close proximity and other immoral activities among the population shows that they are precisely only occurring during this season of love and otherwise it’s free of that nonsense throughout the year.

These revelations and discovery of the morally unacceptable practice,which is rampant during these festival of love and affection; like the fornification and extreme gravitation between the opposite sexes, had made our Moral Ministry to embark on a special mission of utmost urgency to stop and discourage the Valentine day celebration among the youths, so that their problem of the new born baby dumping, extramarital sex and all other immoral practices can be overcomed instantly.
The planting and importing of red, pink and other colors of roses and flowers which supposedly provoke romantical feelings among the youngsters has been banned. Heart shaped cakes and chocolates have been decreed as immoral and not to be eaten or given as presents.

My advice to people is to only send flowers and cakes and chocolates on their Facebook pages, do not earn the wrath of our moral custodians by sending real flowers. They are the god send people who guide us to the correct path; as such it must be followed at all costs. As they are quite adamant, in wanting to stop this universal love festival, it is advised that you follow all rules and regulation to placate them. If any of the folks of the weaker sex are detained, they are strongly advised not to seek permission to ease themselves during the transit to detention centers, to avoid some unscrupulous moral enforcement officers from taking photos of unsavory things. It’s strongly recommended that all the rules Ministry of Moral Up keeping and Protection of Unapproved Practices are followed so that their dream of morally upright citizens can visualize.

Happy Valentine’s Day.